Do you have a lot of “dramas” which are acted out by your own children at home? Those behaviors look like hurting parents and themselves verbally, emotionally and in extreme cases physically (could even be considered abuse). Sometimes it is so painful to experience and be in it and they look like nothing could be of benefit to anyone at all.
What is really happening underneath the “dramas”? What are they really trying to do?
Children come to their parents with a full willingness to change them. Children aspire to be the change in their immediate relationships and in doing so, allow the parents to be truly who we are.
Children fully take up a most challenging “job”…changing their parents. Their commitment to the “job” is sometimes well beyond our imagination and understanding. They can create all sorts of scenes to push their parents into a “no choice” state where we have enough of our own reactions (getting angry, anxious, panic, stressed, forceful, controlling, self-blame, guilty and so on) to everything and eventually ourselves. Ultimately sometimes even at the risk of children’s health and lives, their “unusual” behaviors get us be more aware of our own behavioral patterns and what we actually desire to have in and for our lives and this could lead us to drastically change.
Children truly believe they can change us. Some are not aware of what they are doing at a cognitive level. Some are very much aware of what they signed up for and what they are doing. This depends on the child.
I do not know why they have that willingness to take on this burden, but what is clear is changing their parents’ lives is not your children’s job. The change could happen if their parents are willing to choose to do so. You cannot change people, as we can change only ourselves.
When children are trying to “sacrifice” themselves to change parents lives, please let them know that that is not their job and tell them to choose happiness for themselves despite their parents however the parents are. In the end this might be easier for the parents to choose something different for their lives with ease, because the parents do not need to be stubborn about their points of view any more. You know we resist whatever is persistently against us.
We can be grateful there is someone who has such willingness to let us know what you are doing is not caring for you at the cost of their happiness and lives. If you want your children to care for themselves, do care for yourself, because that is what they are urgently asking you to do by creating “dramas”. Sometimes “dramas” are the gift from your child for you to grasp possibility in/for our lives.
This may be a perspective that you have not considered. This might not apply to all the parent-child relationships.
The questions are:
What are you not aware of in the midst of “dramas”? Is there any possibility beyond the “dramas” that you are facing?
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