PARENTS AS THE SPACE FOR YOUR CHILDREN TO BE VULNERABLE

Vulnerability – is like an open wound, with no cover it is the ability to “allow yourself to be seen, really seen” by Brené Brown (a speaker at TEDx Houston talks June 2010) and it is about the courage to show who you are.

Being vulnerable is to allow ourselves to feel pain and even though we feel it, we don’t judge ourselves doing it and allow ourselves to receive love from ourselves.  It is about being kind and totally allowing ourselves to be.

It is the origin of liberation from judgement and the beginning of loving ourselves and the origin of the joy of being us.  Being “vulnerable” is the first pass point toward the joy of living.  Being “vulnerable” is contributing to ourselves and our child.

Are you the space for your children to be vulnerable?  Are you allowing them to be that?  Or are you somehow scared or worried that they could become a weak person who cannot cope with their reality and could fail in their lives if you allow them to be vulnerable, so do you say to your children, “Don’t cry” “That is nothing” “Be strong” “Suck it up and keep walking” “I don’t know why you are crying.”?

My mother used to say with an angry tone, “Do you think you are the only one who feels that way?  Everybody feels the same way in the end, so suck it up!”  She feels the same way as everybody, but she cannot accept it, so I was not allowed to express it, so that meant, “I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable, so you should do the same.”  In the end what she was saying was “don’t love yourself, because everybody doesn’t.” as if the message was “Don’t let them feel uncomfortable to know that they don’t love themselves by saying something true”  It was very unspoken common sense.

Vulnerability is not being weak.  It is about being honest with yourself and being who you are.

Allowing our children to be vulnerable is not simply being sympathetic and letting them be “weak”, or buying into their story.  Actually we don’t even have to know why they are feeling in that way.  It is just allowing them to be without judgment in the moment.

Feeling the pain can be valuable information for them to be aware of what is really going on and what they can choose differently for their situations and greater possibility.

If as a parent we are not giving space for our children to be aware of the information coming from their vulnerability, how can they be aware of what is going on in them and the availability of different choices to create the life they desire?

What if what we can do for our children is to make sure they are making choices to create what they desire to create?  They are the only ones who know what works for them even at a very young age.

We are like censoring beings, through our emotions and feelings we are getting information.  Please let them maintain this capacity of receiving the information and trust how and what they use no matter what it looks like to you.  Trust their ability to know what they know.  This is empowerment for our children.  They have so much awareness by being who they are, being vulnerable.

Their awareness helps their parents who tend to have more difficulties with being who they are.  Please listen to their awareness which could help your life to be greater too, so not forcing upon our strong point of views on the children.  We tend to do so, because we believe that is the way to be accepted by others and society and the way to succeed in their lives.  Those are just our points of view.

When we deny, ignore pain and numb ourselves, then we avoid greater awareness about ourselves, other people and also other possibilities.

How do you allow your children to be vulnerable?

It is only possible when you choose to allow yourself to be vulnerable.  Then you are able to be the space of vulnerability to your children.

Our children know if you are honest to yourself whether they tell you or not.  If you are always how you SHOULD be, not who you are, they cannot be vulnerable and start to judge their vulnerability and start to separate themselves and you, and it keeps you away from real communication.

Can we just trust us as who we are and they are? Whomever we are, we are here to receive love.

Vulnerability is receiving love and total kindness from ourselves.  Please trust children’s capacity to love themselves?  In fact, children can do it without learning it.  They learn how to judge themselves from us, school and society.  If you do not know how to do it, we can learn from our children.  They can help your greater possibility only if you are willing to see them as a person who is fully aware of everything around him/her and has infinite possibility in a little body.  Surely, there are times that children become more judgmental about themselves.  Then it is the time to let them remember how it is like to be who they were.

Would you like your family to be the limitations of individual or support for possibilities for all.  This totally depends on your choice.

 

Contact me for any questions about my blog or Intergenerational parenting.

Please visit my website to know more about True Colours Parenting.

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